When the people that support me imply I've left rough waters in terms of starting my business, I just stay quiet and let them think that. Not because I'm ashamed or embarrassed at the pace a business grows (I've actually tried to be transparent about the entire process), but because I desperately don't want anyone trying to convince me out of my career. I do reasonably well despite a few bumps that you'll naturally run into in the first few years, but the main reason I won't ever leave creative self-employment is because of how it helps me explore and heal parts of me.
HEALTH
I have a genetic blood disorderΒ so I've struggled with fatigue, pains and endometriosis-like symptoms my whole life. The main benefit to my type of work is that I can manage my health by working my own hours and choosing what type of work I do. While most people may enjoy working a set 8 hours then resting until bed, it's just become obvious that that's not how I work best. Some days I may wake up at 7am and want to start work right away, others I may ease into the day and work until 10pm. Mostly, though, I work over the day and night with lots of breaks and most tasks being low movement. The improvements I've seen in my health compared to working full time in childcare has been tremendous. I no longer get acne, flu-like PMS symptoms, and just generally don't get sick as much. The more I can meet my needs in my job, the less money I have to spend on health issues. Funny that. . .Β
GENDER
The initial core value of my brand was the expression of gender and sexuality through clothing. Gradually, the vision and mission of the organisation has expanded, but this still remains a critical part of them. I am AFAB and transgender, but very happy in my body as it exists now. I prefer He/They but honestly am not hung up on pronouns at all. I just can't think of much that kills my light more than having my masculine gender dismissed because I often like to wear dresses, makeup and other traditionally feminine things. Men do drag in different contexts, my biological sex just means I've been allowed the privilege to dress however I want whenever I want. I find I don't receive much criticism or even assumptions about my gender when I dress masculine, and receive almost exclusively praise when I dress feminine. My parents let me express my sense of fashion freely, and I was allowed to begin making my own clothes at a young age. I'm sure this is why now I feel so confident to dress as feminine or masculine as I like on any given morning. Through making a range of styles and selling to many gender diverse customers, I am helping heal my own gender identity while passing on the joy of true expression to others.
FEMME SEXUALITY
Probably the most obvious aspect of my identity that's expressed through my designs is my sexuality. While I identify as more masculine, there's so much power in feminine sensuality that I rarely shy away from. Feeling sexy boosts your confidence, can bring you closer to your partner, and is closely linked to your creative expression too. Like many femme people that have expressed their sexuality in their youth, I've felt heavily shamed for this. You're probably thinking I mean older people in society, but I more so mean my loved ones. My friends making passing jokes around strangers about my sex drive that make me feel unsafe for newbies to know. My bosses mumbling snide comments about the length of my skirt under their breath. The worst was always my boyfriends making passive aggressive remarks about me "showing off" in public, when what they were referring to was my look not my actual behaviour. It has affected my ability to open up to new partners, to relax when I'm intimate alone, or to feel comfortable wearing even slightly revealing clothing. When I make "sexual" clothing for others and they tell me they feel empowered by it, I am reminding myself that everyone deserve to feel sexy and safe simultaneously.
As well as these major areas of transformation since the birth of Comme Passion, I find myself constantly reflecting on parts of me while I work on my brand more. I find myself looking at the values of my customers to see if they can help mine develop, or pondering how I use a traditionally "female" activity to empower myΒ gender. I reflect on how this connects me to women around the world who sew, and the women who paved the way before me in my own ancestral line.
Are you not able to quite afford as much therapy as you'd like? Try starting a small business, it will supplement just fine.